Dealing with Gay Bullying? What Gay Men in Europe Need to Know
Despite the significant strides our society has made regarding LGBTQ+ acceptance, much work still needs to be done. Unfortunately, this progress can be offset by the nastier side of human nature — specifically regarding LGBTQ youth.
The cruel and vicious side of human nature often manifests itself in less-than-flattering ways; however, when it comes to young lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans people, it can have serious consequences.
As a gay therapist working with cisgender gay men, this post addressed the negative effects of gay bullying and harassment.
How bad is gay bullying in Europe?
According to UNESCO and the Council of Europe, violence and bullying based on Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression, and Sex Characteristics occur in all European Union member states, irrespective of the cultural, socioeconomic, or political context.
For example, the percentage of gay teenagers in the following countries reported experiencing bullying:
47% in Belgium
23–26% in the Netherlands,
67% in Turkey
35% in Norway
54% in Malta
43% in Slovenia.
Statista has also reported alarming figures for all children who have experienced bullying on school property at least twice or thrice a month: 27% in Greece, 21% in Denmark, 14% in Portugal, and 37% in Russia.
A fast-emerging, upward trend is LGBT students who experience cyberbullying. Children 13 to 16 are more likely to be affected by cyberbullying on social media.
The European Parliament reports that LGBTQ children in Denmark, Finland, the Netherlands, and Norway are the most at risk for online sexual exploitation.
However, this occurs throughout Europe…and the world.
The troubling social text of gay bullying and bashing
The act of bullying can be horrific in and of itself.
However, when it involves an LGBTQ+ person, the stakes are heightened.
In many parts of the world, LGBTQ+ people still face persecution and even death due to their sexual orientation or gender expression.
This homophobia and prejudice translate into even more dangerous circumstances for LGBT youth, who already face higher bashing rates than their heterosexual counterparts.
The central issue with LGBTQ+ bullying is that incidents often occur in a social context.
To understand this further, it is essential to point out its characteristics:
The experience of bullying prolongs over time; it is not a short-lived experience.
One or more abusers often exercise bashing. These individuals are vehement, authoritarian, and unempathetic subjects who impose their aggregation to compensate for their low self-esteem dysfunctionally.
Sometimes, the group of abusers includes a small group of 'secondary abusers'’ These people form a kind of “clique.”
Sometimes, bullying occurs in a hidden or subtle way, but in many cases, it happens in front of a large group (the class). Most onlookers look the other way since discussing or confronting the abusers implies the risk of becoming a victim.
It is common for parents and caretakers not to know what is happening. In some cases, look the other way unless the signs of abuse are very evident.
The abuse falls on one person (or several): the victim. These people become visible above the masses and are chosen by the abusers as scapegoats for their frustrations, shortages, and fears.
How does social media impact gay cyberbullying?
Social media has broadened the scope of bullying to an unprecedented degree. This is mainly due to the increased ease of outreach and the potential anonymity that comes with it.
Social media platforms have become the new battleground for cyberbullying against gay teens.
Young people often become embroiled in online feuds that escalate into physical altercations.
Because cyberbullying has become so prevalent, social media sites have even taken measures to prevent bullying online.
YouTube, for example, warns users whenever they encounter videos that may encourage violence. Similarly, Facebook has implemented measures to combat bullying and bashing. TikTok has partnered with several organizations to develop anti-bullying initiatives.
Whether these initiatives will have an effect is still to be seen.
The long-term effects of bullying on gay adults
Research shows that homophobic name-calling can be traumatic for teenagers, regardless of the source. This includes depressive symptoms and a decreased sense of belonging at school.
Its long-term negative effects depend on the age at which the bullying took place, its duration, the type of abuse, the support received at that time, and the psychological characteristics of the person who suffered it.
Lack of self-esteem
Think of a ten-, thirteen- or sixteen-year-old person attacked daily for how he looks, moves, speaks, or any other circumstance beyond his control.
That person is, therefore, displaced and exposed in front of everyone, time after time.
When this happens, it is not easy for that person to learn to trust their abilities, to have a positive image of themselves, and to perceive people as sources of support and inspiration. The result is low self-esteem and self-worth,
Fortunately, this can be modified over the years: victims of bullying do not have to be chronic slaves of their abusers.
However, it is also true that there are many solvent, satisfied, cheerful (or not so much) adults who could feel much better about themselves if their classmates had taught them how much they are worth (or left them alone) instead of crushing them with the message that they are a disgrace.
Lack of assertiveness
If self-concept and self-esteem fail, the next thing to address is assertiveness.
This is how our idea of ourselves and our confidence in ourselves and others manifests by behaving and relating.
In addition to mathematics, history, and language, many people learned at school that others are an incomprehensible threat to their well-being and that in life, there are hardly any people willing to lend a hand with this.
When this happens, it makes sense that these children have difficulties asserting themselves in interpersonal relationships when they grow up.
In this sense, it is worth exploring if patterns of submission and permanent fear for others, or even aggressiveness and authoritarianism, have led to overcompensation for the harmful experiences that the person underwent as a child.
Trauma and post-traumatic stress
Bullying subjects its victims to sustained stress.
A chronic preoccupation and anxiety develop, with many asking themselves questions like "What will I find today when I get to class?” or “Do I put on these clothes, or will they tease me for wearing them?” or “If I ask a question, will they laugh at me?”, or “Did they leave me something inside my locker?”, or “How many people have seen the graffiti on the bathroom door?”
This chronic anxiety results in continuous hypervigilance - the fear of the certainty that some aggression will occur and the uncertainty about what abuse they will experience and by whom.
This becomes very exhausting when it is prolonged in time.
Usually, this picture dilutes when the bullied leave school and those people behind, and they start to develop more favorable relationships and situations.
However, the prolonged strain of bullying in adults can be noticed when a remnant of that stress remains latent in the psyche of the former victims.
This affects their ability to come out and creates a situation of internalized belief that what they were bullied for is true, often referred to as internalized homophobia.
The fear of being treated in the present as when they were children reappears when similar situations occur, awakening their anxiety.
How do we prevent gay bashing?
One of the best ways to prevent gay bullying is to discuss it.
Often, those who experience gay bashing are unaware of the issue. As such, being as open and honest as possible is essential.
Additionally, being aware of the warning signs that someone is being bullied can be helpful. This can help you intervene before it becomes a full-blown issue.
These warning signs include:
The person is very withdrawn and avoids eye contact.
They are severely anxious or depressed.
They are sleeping more than usual.
The person is losing weight without a valid reason.
They have unusual bruises that are not related to another activity.
They discuss or attempt suicide.
What protects adults from the consequences of gay bullying?
Bullying can negatively affect the mental health of those who experience it. In the worst of cases, those consequences become tragic.
However, sooner or later, most people develop protective factors that, although they do not nullify the psychological consequences of bullying, serve as a powerful vehicle allowing the individual to move on from their past and shine in the life he deserves.
Here are three factors that can help you take perspective in the present moment on what happened in the past.
Learn to differentiate the past from the present.
Differentiate the past from the present, those people from the past, and those you have in your life.
The reality is that past experiences are what they are — they do not change. What can change is our way of interpreting them and the meaning we give them from the adult person we have become.
Learning to differentiate helps us leave behind what happened and focus on our lives as it is now.
Focus on your strengths.
Continuing with the previous point, people who have suffered bullying in childhood or adolescence mustn't confuse what those people tell about them with reality.
We are all much more than our wounds and the messages that a handful of aggressors tried to make us believe about us. Without this, we would not be where we are now.
Ask for professional help if you need it.
The consequences of bullying in adults often disappear, dissolving as just a bad memory.
Other times, they become sequels in our psychological health that do not go away, even though the years have passed. This can affect our self-esteem, mood, relationships, and work…
Seeking the help of a therapist can help.
You’re Not Alone
Ultimately, it is essential to remember that everyone deserves respect.
No matter who or what they do, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
Bullying can have severe consequences for the person being bashed and for the people doing the bullying.
This can seriously affect the person’s mental health and social life.
And remember, you do not need to go through this alone.
I want to help. Get in touch, and let’s talk.
