What is Sexuality and Sexual Orientation - A Straightforward Walkthrough
As an LGBTQ therapist, I’m often asked to decode the complexities of sexuality and orientation. These intimate parts of the human experience can be confusing to make sense of - especially given how ideas around sexuality have dramatically shifted across different cultural moments and landscapes. What was once deemed taboo or pathological might now be understood as normal, healthy variances of human desire.
What is sexuality?
Sexuality is multidimensional, fluid, and unique to each individual.
It refers broadly to the romantic and sexual feelings we experience, who and what appeals to us, and how we choose to act on our desires.
Our sexuality can shift over our lifetimes as we evolve.
What is sexual orientation?
Sexual orientation is closely related but focuses specifically on the consistent patterns to whom we find ourselves attracted.
For instance, are we drawn to the same gender, the opposite gender, or both genders or do we experience little to no sexual attraction?
Orientation aims to label these directional preferences.
What is the difference between sexuality and sexual orientation?
I often explain the difference between sexuality and orientation through a music analogy. If sexuality is the volume at which we broadcast our inner feelings and passions, orientation is the "station" we tune into.
Of course, humanity's complexity transcends such simple categorization.
We have words like asexual, pansexual, queer, questioning, heteroflexible, and many more to convey the boundless diversity of romantic and erotic interests. Each term has emerged and found purpose in its aim to validate people's lived experiences.
The journey of exploring one’s sexuality or orientation intertwines with all aspects of life – from race, faith, and class to gender identity.
We all have multiple intersecting identity facets that combine uniquely. This means we each experience and move through the world in our own way.
Discover What Makes You Uniquely You
The path to self-discovery has twists and turns. As a gay therapist serving the LGBTQ+ community, I offer guidance to help you navigate your personal journey with compassion and care.
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Exploring your sexual orientation and sexuality
As someone who is opening up to less mainstream sexualities, the road can have added challenges. Stigma, shame, discrimination – these still silence and hurt people in our community who are seen as “other.”
And yet, by listening and learning from each other’s stories, we move collectively toward compassion.
If you are currently questioning or unsure about where you land on the spectra of sexuality and orientation, you should know that this is entirely normal and OK.
Here are some tips for self-exploration at your own pace:
Reflect inward on your past and present emotions, fantasies, and relationships. Make a note of any patterns you notice.
Research different sexual/gender identities and terms. See what resonates.
If desired, safely test out dating different genders.
Confide in trusted friends or LGBTQ support networks.
Consider speaking to a sexuality-affirming therapist like myself!
Most importantly, approach your journey of self-discovery with compassion, patience and an openness to find your truth in its own time. We all deserve to embrace our emotions without judgment or shame.
I'm always glad to offer guidance if you need support in better understanding your sexuality or realizing your best self.
Reach out anytime!
Support Designed For You
My online practice focuses specifically on the needs of LGBTQ+ people. Whether you're struggling with anxiety, seeking healthier relationships, or facing discrimination, I can help you thrive as your true self.
